Dear Molly, Something I'm feeling into a bit is that there is anger in me. It's deep down there. I keep it under tight wraps...
Something I'm feeling into a bit is that there is anger in me. It's deep down there. I keep it under tight wraps. But I've had a couple flashes of it - just split seconds - and it comes when I'm poking around some of these edges. It's somehow linked to the voice that says "none of this hyper spiritualism is real." I think it's the anger of a young me that had his desire for the transcendent snuffed out. There's a sense of betrayal in it. It feels like an adolescent type rage. There's some real teeth to it, though. It seethes and smolders in places I don't often visit. Also, some of this doesn’t feel like “mine,” if that makes sense. I’ve heard about something called “clearing attachments” and I’m wondering if this is possible. How should I work with this?
Ever In Process
Thank you for writing and having the courage to look at the darker edges of your psyche. This is some of the most important work we engage in and can’t be overlooked, although so many people in the psychedelic community try to do so. In all of the parallel realities we’ve explored or encountered so far, the most vibrant, healthy and peaceful global societies are the ones that have evolved in a way that they have been able to engage this deeply personal work on a societal, collective level. The most successful of these have skillfully incorporated psychedelics into their practices. The timelines we’ve explored that are unable to turn towards these darker edges of the self commonly spiral downward into war and sometimes even total annihilation. This is how important the underlying theme is to your specific question.
Do not despair at the world around you. It is difficult to see the beauty and the light in a realm so marred by pain, sadness, and anger. But there is hope. And it is in turning towards the self that you will find it. Let’s turn towards the self now.
This "angry voice" is tangled with a young wounded aspect, most likely some of your own trauma, a good amount of it being religious in nature, but this will be tangled with other events and difficulties in your life that have suppressed your trust in the spiritual. These traumas are tangled with, as you identified, energetic and psychological attachment in the form of coercive social programing, other people's trauma, and even unknown, non-human transpersonal influences. It helps to think of it as a big tangled ball of multicolored yarn. Sometimes we can feel so stuck that this ball of yarn feels like it has been repeatedly dipped in concrete. When we start chipping away at this experience, we can feel energetic “discharges” that can come in the form of flashes of really big emotions, difficult memories, or even physical pain.
Anger is a very ALIVE emotion. It shows us where we care and have passion. It is also what Jung would call a piece of vitality that gets stuck under shadow, so doing this work will increase your own human vitality in areas that are important to you by freeing up the energy you are now using to keep that anger suppressed and in check. When we do so, anger turns into passion and excitement for life and challenges.
IT IS OKAY TO FEEL ANGER.
When left unattended and suppressed, Anger and Shadow are often projected onto others and this can create discord or even “shadow loops” within transformational communities. Don’t be naive. The purpose of this shadow aspect is to destroy the community so it can stop people from waking up.
Shadow projections have a lot of negative charge and are usually coupled with a “deep knowing” of “being right.” Pay attention to this clue and if you find something that is really charged being directed toward someone else, it might be an indication that you’re edging into something that is really juicy in your own system. It will be the one thing you don’t want to do, but the path forward is to turn toward the self. How did I create what I am seeing here? How am I unconsciously responsible? How do I do the same thing they are doing?
To begin working with this, bring in resourcing techniques so you have a safe space to rest in between encounters with this unconscious aspect. This is especially important if you're going to be poking around tender edges of the psyche known as Shadow. Resourcing can look like cultivating a safe location in the body to rest in between engagements, an imaginal space that is comforting, or even the presence of guides, spiritual allies, or other archetypal support systems.
The shadow aspect, the unconscious part of Self, will have to be owned and integrated into your larger identity. This aspect will probably be tangled with a wounded younger child aspect that will also need to be integrated. You will be required to be the nurturing adult to this injured, younger part that is lashing out, practicing both right boundaries and full and unconditional love and acceptance.
I’d recommend creating some containment around the feelings of anger so that you don’t lash out at people you are close to as you explore this material. This is sometimes easier said than done, but containment is way different than suppression, and it is very appropriate. Containment is important because anger and rage are often coupled with energetic/emotional attacks. We can tag people with our words and they have a lot of hurtful, potent energy behind them, and people in our community often use metaphors like daggers, swords and spears. So be mindful of this. If you're feeling a lot and it is becoming overwhelming, this may indicate that you are moving too quickly through this inner terrain.
In addition to this containment, making a physical space where these experiences and emotions can fully be felt and expressed in a SAFE and PRIVATE way will be incredibly important. If possible, work with a therapist or guide who can help you hold it. If there are constraints to working with someone, learn the skills of a sitter and be your own guide, or find an ally or friend who will trade experiences with you in this way.
Regarding extractions... or what you call “clearing attachments.” Throughout this process, you're going to be in a conscious engagement with a "voice/presence" that may not be all your own. These parts are very skillful in deflection and confusion. You'll check out, get distracted, and possibly dissociate a number of times. This part can also hit you with a lot of very strong negative judgements, emotions and memories you’ll have to do something with. This is what the terrain looks like. Resource, and keep going back to where you left off. Doing so challenges the part that is engaging you and it can only use these tactics a finite amount of times before wearing itself out. This is especially true if you show a lot of determination. Don’t expect any process to clear in one session. This work requires a lot of patience and continued focus, sometimes over significant periods of time.
While you are engaged in this encounter, it is most important to track your physical experience, as much of this is actually held in your body. Tracking means noticing the sensations of what is happening in your body. Bring your awareness to where you feel tension or pain as you engage the aspect that feels anger. It is important to physically relax around this area of tension/pain, while “breathing into it” so the current of energy moving through your body gives the experience some space to release into. Remember the ball of tangled yarn metaphor. If the threads have no place to go, there won’t be enough room to untangle.
While you are relaxing and allowing, also try bringing all of your focused awareness to the darkest, most painful spot in this physical experience and gently press up against it with the dagger tip precision of your own consciousness. At some point the location of this pain or tension will start to move so you keep this pressure on it, following it where ever it goes. Go back and forth from the water/dissolving/relaxing into process to the fire/focus process and even practice holding both at the same time. This is the key to transformation. Your body might start to contract, twitch or vibrate, and you’ll have big experiences of emotions, memories, images and realizations. These are called “discharges.” Simply relax around them, let them happen, and keep tracking your body’s experience.
Once you clear enough of the dross that is covering your experience of anger, and all of those beliefs you have around the feeling, you'll be able to start discerning different parts of the equation... the different threads of yarn will be understood more clearly. Some of these will be your own parts that you will then be able to reincorporate into your self-matrix in a healthier configuration. The parts that aren’t yours will become pretty obvious so you can clear, transmute, or even expunge them. These might be ancestral or family traumas, cultural introjects and unconscious programs, and even in extreme cases, might be some sort of encounter with a consciousness beyond the self.
Remember to resource throughout the experience. Don't expect to get through this in one session, especially things that you’ve been holding onto since childhood. Creating what is called “sacred space” through prayer, meditation or ceremony, is an important “container” for this work and can help hold the intensity of these experiences.
The clearing that happens is like mining a psychic gold that can then be used as a sort of energetic currency for other transformational experiences. Underneath this you’ll find the psyche’s generator. Anger Energy Emotion once purified and healed, can be directed towards manifesting any intention. It is a wealth of power that can transform the world.
From our timeline, which exists in relationship to one of your potential futures, we have seen again and again, that when this work is engaged on a conscious, collective level, anything, absolutely anything you can and can’t even imagine is possible. It is a subtle shift, a turning inward to self, before returning back to the external, that makes all of the difference.
We wish you the best on your journey of collective awakening. There are so many of us holding space for you during this most important process. The struggle you are in now is so worth the effort. Please keep going.
All our love,