New Love Letters to Molly
After 16 years of severe childhood abuse and neglect, I felt nothing much but shame, isolation, and constant terror. Having PTSD was extremely disabling and I did not think that I could handle living like that anymore.
You showed me that I have the capacity to feel truly happy and content. For the first time in my life, you made feel completely held, safe, and loved. You allowed me to drop my fear and allow my heart to really see and connect with others, and for them to really see me. All of these realizations and capacities are carried on and deepened in my daily life. I finally feel like I am myself, because I LOVE and accept myself fully; and now I can fulfill my purpose in life to help others. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.
I love you! But you knew that already. :-)
I'm sorry that they don't understand.
They think you eat brains.
They keep running into your twin sister Malone and mistaking her for you.
They reduce you to a chemical dumper.
They treat you like being the best dance partner in town is all you have to offer.
I'm writing to tell you - it's okay. I love you, and I understand you.
I understand that the brain will be okay - you just ask it to treat you with respect.
I understand that your sister isn't you - your brother Marq is just a call away and he tells the truth any time. (You're way cooler, by the way)
I understand that the chemicals you release are just the clothes you wear - to mistake the clothes for who you are would be missing out entirely.
I understand that there's way more to who you are than being the best dance partner in town - you have a voice too, a beautifully wise and kind voice, and you're just waiting for more of us to invite you in to the peace and quiet of our homes where you can sit still with us and be heard over the music at last.
Molly, I understand you. You're far too beautiful to be so misunderstood.
It won't be long now.
I love you -
The Sane Heart
I used to see the world in shades of grey, you helped me see the colors of nature and beyond
I used to fear that others would reject me, you helped me to accept myself.
I used to think my longing for connection was small, you helped me see the infinite nature of my heart.
I used to think that what I could see with my eyes was all that existed for me in this world. You helped me understand the vastness of a universe that embraces me as a sister, brother, lover, mother, father, child, teacher, student and friend.
Thank you for answering my prayers.
With Grace and Gratitude,
Gentleness is who I am, what I am,
beyond the fluff, intellect, ego, fear, even sexuality,
it is the love I have,
the extraordinary gift,
but the sleeping world doesn't appreciate gentleness,
so my experience goes,
the corresponding fear of it being taken advantage of by others, internalized, scared me so much,
and so often have I turned away from gentleness.
I have run with abandon,
all over this sleeping world, but I never let the light go out,
though I fear showing it, even to myself,
how does it, or I deserve to exist in this world?
Yet I do,
I've carved out a niche of people,
hard fought and won trust, that bump up against the edges of shadow,
the apparent barrier between the consuming love I yearn to experience, and the gentleness inside,
the slow burning sensation as every iteration of my being returns to light, my way,
So I can turn to myself and say,
I trust you,
I believe you,
and I accept what you're saying.